BORN IN THE USA

I've never been through a terrestrial US border crossing, but Travis has and he said every time he's come back into the US by land it's been pretty traumatic. One of my favorite of his stories is how he traveled back to the Lower 48 from Alaska when he was 22. He had gone up to Denali on a family vacation, and being young and dumb he told his mom not to worry and that he would hitchhike back to the States and stay with friends in Portland. I knew Travis when he was 22, but WOW what a different guy than who I'm dating now. Granted, when I was 22 I flew to South America for 6 months without knowing any Spanish without a guidebook. Young and dumb. 

Anyway, Travis looks on Craigslist and gets a rideshare with this nurse who is trying to get back to Washington ASAP. Travis takes the first night drive, and she offers him an Aderol. Travis has never taking Aderol before, and initially refused it, but then decided to go for it. He proceeded to drive for the next 36 hours straight, freaking out through the Yukon and Northern Territories looking up at the stars and traveling an endless road. When they finally made it to the border crossing he had been cracked out and sleepless for two days, and he faced border guards who were dressed in full military gear and carrying automatic rifles. They went through EVERY part of their bags, and found a one-hitter that Travis had forgotten in the bottom of his backpack ("I've never smoked anything but tobacco out of that") and they found a single Viagra pill in the nurse's toiletries that belonged to her ex-husband. Since she didn't have a prescription for it, they yelled at her and threatened to take her nursing license away. During this ruckus Travis (young and dumb) asked the guards if them if they would shoot him if he ran back to Canada, and they put him in detention. 

The story doesn't even end there! I'm not going to finish it but it involves getting out of detention, meeting a pimp who was just released from jail and hitchhiking with him to Oregon to win back one of his tricks he had fallen in love with. NOT KIDDING.

I faced our present border crossing with some trepidation. We had been seeing signs for the Chief Mountain border crossing for the past couple of days, and had been watching the mountain itself appear large and larger as we got closer. Finally, we made it to the border.

The guard comes out. "Do you guys love bikes or are you just masochists?" he asked. "Don't worry, we take plenty of ice cream breaks," I replied. "Actually, on this trip it's been mostly cinnamon bun breaks." And that was all it took to win over Officer Williams. He was so friendly! And here's the craziest part-- he's from Gainesville, FL. Born and raised. We were instant buds after that. GO GATORS. He asked us if we had any citrus or tropical fruit and then welcomed us back home! 

Back in the good old US of A, the land of working cell phones and credit cards! 

Aaaaand at the very same time we were crossing back into America around 3:30pm, a massive forest fire had started at the heart of our route through the national park. 

The Long, Hard Climb Back Home

The last leg into Glacier National Park was one of the hardest days on this tour, maybe on all our tours. After pounding out 160 miles during the two days before, I woke up with extremely puffy eyes, which is apparently what happens when I get exhausted now that I'm old. 

We took it easy that morning and left late, so I thought another 48 miles wouldn't be too bad. Oh man. We spent about 25 miles climbing and climbing. Let me explain to you what this means. Imagine being on a flat road and in your easiest gear on your bike. You pedal really really fast and you barely go anywhere because the gear is so easy.

Now add 40-50 pounds of gear on your bike, and that the road you're riding on is a hill that appears to ascend for about as far as you can see. Even though you're still in your easiest gear, every pedal stroke feels like you're repping out leg presses on the machine at the gym, and carries you about a foot and a half forward. If you stopped pedaling your bike would literally stop immediately. You get to the top of the hill, and see that the road has just curved into a switchback starting another hill that you can't see the top of. That is what climbing feels like. 

Normally I just put on a podcast and try and zone out, but today I settled into it. I focused on the top of the hill instead of trying to ignore it, and tried to recognize the strength that my body has built that was carrying me to the top. At times I even got a little metaphorical. I know that my life is comparatively easy, but I still had a really hard time over the past year, and I haven't been the best human I could be in dealing with life now that my plans have completely changed. I know it sounds cheesy, but I told myself that if I was strong enough to make it to the top of this big ass hill then I could make it through the other challenges I'll face when I bike tour life is over. I only cried once, I didn't fall off my bike at all, AND I made it to the top of so many big hills. So my chances are looking good, y'all. 

Nice to See You, Alberta

Since I love to gossip, one of my favorite parts about traveling around to these small Canadian towns is hearing the dirt on the next town over. In Nelson, we were told that Cranbrook was Canada's Fast Food Capital. In Cranbrook, the volunteer in the tourism office told us that Kimberly was "kind of a yuppie town." In Kimberly, someone said, "Kimberly is Canada's second highest town... after Nelson". That's a weed joke, everyone. 

But if there was one thing that everyone in BC could agree on is that Alberta is basically the worst. Alberta is the Texas/Midwest of Canada, the land of oil fields and plains of wheat. It is also the economic driver of Canada, and despite being populated with oil-wealthy, SUV-driving McMansionites, the West Coast-vibing residents of BC rely on Alberta for jobs whether they like it or not. 

Our experience in Alberta was limited, and I can't really confirm or deny the stereotypes. Harry from Calgary saw us riding and invited us to his beautiful lakeside "cabin" (about 6 times the size of our house), made us wood-fire pizza for dinner and offered us a bed in his guest house. Sure, he was uber-wealthy, but he was a generous host, and if other Albertans are as giving as he was then he has left me with a good impression of its residents.

Our two nights in Alberta were beautiful as well, though they were rushed. We were trying to crush through the last 200 miles to make it to Glacier National Park, and we did it in three days. The first night we stayed at Crows Nest Pass, and enjoyed an after-ride swim.

In the morning we saw a bighorn sheep(!) right in the middle of the road!!! He was standing right on the yellow lines licking salt. Both lanes of traffic braked and swerved but he was not phased. He only left the side of the road after I yelled at him. That was not a good place for him to be hanging out. 

Our ride into Waterton International Peace Park was our longest yet, clocking in at 80 miles with a little over 8 hours in the saddle. We heard some good things about Waterton but it just wasn't cycle friendly. There aren't any hiker/biker campsites (which don't require reservations and cost $5/person), and by the time we arrived all the campsites in the park were full. So we continued on and spent our last Canadian cash on a spot in an RV park, and some chocolate bars. 

Treated Right in Kimberly

This is how our weekend in Kimberly, BC started. We were riding a beautiful paved rail trail up to this small mountain town. A guy on a road bike said hello and passed us. Then maybe 15 minutes later the same guy came back, introduced himself as Lenny and apologized for not being hospitable before, and invited us over to his house for beers and to ask us more about our trip. There, we met his wife Delia, and learned that Kimberly Summerfest was starting that afternoon and continued through the weekend. We were intrigued. 

Then Travis heard back from our Wam Showers host Cailin, who was out of town that night but she still invited us to stay in her yard and use her hot tub. DEAL. When we got over to her house, her neighbor Mark popped up over the fence and invited us over for a glass of wine, which then turned into dinner where we ate REAL FOOD. Salmon and coleslaw and tomato salad, Thai-style pumpkin and raspberry rhubarb pie. We couldn't help it. Kimberly's hospitality reeled us in, and we had to stay for another day. 

The next day we indulged in coffee and pastries from the local bakery at the pedestrian-only downtown. I found a present for my friend Danielle's birthday, and then we caved to our foodie tendencies and bought lunch supplies from the local food grocery. I can't tell you how good a ham sandwich with tomatoes and spinach on fresh sourdough is after days of dry peanut butter and jellies. 

Mark played host and took us on a little hike up the ski "hill", where we were again smoked hiking uphill. 

Then the real party started. Summerfest's highlight event is the Canadian National Bocci Championship, which should really be called Western Canada's Best Excuse to Dress in Costumes, Get Drunk and Play Lawn Games Tournament. Apparently everyone who has moved away from Kimberly returns home this weekend, forms a team with their buds, comes up with a silly name and costume and then get wasted together. I heard so many good stories. Like there is a team of women called the Dirty Habits who have dressed as nuns for the past 15 years handing out cards that say "Jesus Loves You" on one side, and "But Everyone Else Thinks You're a Jerk" on the other. A local girl named Laura said this is the one weekend she sees her high school teachers, dentist, and mailman totally tanked together. Laura's father said when she was growing up he specifically left town this weekend so he wouldn't have to witness what she and her friends were getting into. 

Our favorite team was Ballwatch.

The cannibal team was a close second.

Also I would like to mention that there was an exceptionally high percentage of attractive dudes at this Bacci tournament, and they were all wearing extremely short shorts dressed as sexy construction workers, sexy cowboys, sexy Where's Waldos, sexy bumblebees, sexy EVERYTHING. It was overwhelming. Is it that boys on the East Coast are drinking beer and hanging out at bars watching bands, but all these mountain boys are drinking beer and then going rock climbing the next morning? Someone please explain this. Sorry, I did not take any stealth pictures, you will just have to use your imagination. 

We finally tore ourselves away from the Bocci action and finally met our host Cailin. She and her partner completed the Great Divide mountain bike trail that runs from Alberta to New Mexico, which only gave Travis more inspiration to convince me to agree to attempting that route someday. Then, not only did Cailin offer her us her guest room, but she also cooked us breakfast in the morning. I'm telling you, there something that made people in Kimberly extremely friendly. Thank you for showing us the best parts of your town!